Squidology (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
Squidology (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction) Synopsis Squidward decides to seek therapy in order to become a better person, little does he know that his therapist is a little maniac who wants the Krabby Patty Secret Formula. Characters Spongebob Squarepants Squidward Tentacles Sheldon J. Plankton (+ alter ego: Dr.Peter Lankton) Eugene H. Krabs Norma Rechid Susie Rechid Monroe Rechid Krustomers Karen Plankton Gary The Snail Pearl Krabs Junkyard Guard Worm Plot The story begins at The Krusty Krab, business as usual. Mr.Krabs is enjoying himself while talking a money bath and Spongebob is grilling up some patties singing to himself as usual. Squidward overhears while reading a book about toilets. SQUIDWARD: Imbecile. Squidward goes back to reading but then hears a bell continuously ring and looks down to see a little girl constantly pressing the bell. SQUIDWARD: Agh! Stop ringing the bell! I get your attention! She continues. SQUIDWARD: Hey?! Her brother, who's only two years older, intervenes. MONROE: Susie, stop! SUSIE(mockingly): Susie, stop!! Finally, the mother comes by. NORMA: Sorry about that, kids are kids you know. SQUIDWARD: Why are you insinuating that I know about kids! I never had any! NORMA: Relax, I was just saying. SQUIDWARD: Just hurry up and order! I hate my job enough as is! NORMA: Ahem anyways, I’ll take a double decker Krabby Patty with extra cheese and no pickles. SQUIDWARD(writes the order down): And what do your little brats want. MONROE: I just want a milkshake, your food sucks! SUSIE(mockingly): I just want a milkshake, your food sucks!! MONROE: Shut up! SQUIDWARD: HEY! YOU GONNA ORDER OR WHAT?! Norma now gets mad. NORMA: Listen you big nosed freakface! My kids are only 6 and 4! They don’t know better yet! SQUIDWARD: Well maybe you should teach them better! Mom's are supposed to be useful, not hollow! Norma has a look on her face. SQUIDWARD: What? The scene cuts to Spongebob, now on his break playing his DS while taking some tylenol PM but then he hears Squidward scream, who is thrown into the deep fryer by Norma after he called her a bad mom. Spongebob comes to Squid's aid helping the formerly blue grouch who is now a mere crumb out. Squidward returns to normal after washing himself, don’t ask. Mr.Krabs enters the kitchen. MR.KRABS: MR.SQUIDWARD!!! SQUIDWARD: What?!! MR.KRABS: A mom and her two annoying, uh I mean, splendid children, have left the building and haven’t had any crusty food! Some krustomers overhear and vomit. MR.KRABS: And I did not earn more money! What gives?! SQUIDWARD: I’ll tell you what gives! Those people were the scum of the sea! Two annoying brats and a big Ms.Prissy, who honestly is not that much more mature than them! Why am I always given the nastiest sea barnacles?!! MR.KRABS: Actually, I will rebound that. Why are you so nasty and ill-tempered to everybody except yourself?! SQUIDWARD: I am not! I just have a temper! MR.KRABS: Really? You threatened to push the ice cream man into Rippers Reef after you got a blueberry icecream. SQUIDWARD: I just wanted strawberry! MR.KRABS: And you also told an old lady who can’t cross the street or walk, to hitchhike and you also stuck you’re already chewed gum under the tables of my wealthiest customers! Just because, they have more money than ye! SQUIDWARD: That old lady was gonna keel over anyways and those wealthy customers are all the same, rich snobs planning our world doom! MR.KRABS: You need help. SQUIDWARD: And you need to donate to Goodwill. MR.KRABS(angrily and holding a sharp clothesline): TAKE THAT BACK! SPONGEBOB: Why don’t you attend a therapy session Squidward? SQUIDWARD: Was I talking to you? SPONGEBOB: Besides that, just try some therapy Squidward, and the world will be more sunnier and happier and full of lollipop sprinkles! SQUIDWARD: ….. Will you jump off a cliff afterwards? MR.KRABS: JUST ATTEND A THERAPY SESSION MR.SQUIDWARD!!! I CAN’T LOSE ANY MORE MONEY!!! SQUIDWARD: FINE!!! The scene cuts to outside near the dumpster where Sheldon J. Plankton overheard and observed the entire three way conversation looking into the window and listening with his frequency detector. PLANKTON: This gives me an idea! He evilly laughs and then loses his balance and falls right into the dumpster, into the liquidy part. The scene transitions to Squidward exiting the Krusty Krab. It's now the evening and the shift is all done for the day. Squidward is going to go home and try therapy tomorrow until Karen Plankton rolls out of the Chum Bucket stopping him. SQUIDWARD: Agh! Oh wait, aren’t you that robot Plankton is wed to? KAREN: Computer SQUIDWARD: Whatever, by the way clean your rods, they would smell up a playground worse than a junkyard. Karen is fuming with rage in her inner processes but manages to keep her cool and talks to Squidward about therapy. KAREN: I hear that you want some therapy. SQUIDWARD: Wait, how’d you know. KAREN: I know everything. SQUIDWARD: Really? What are the lottery numbers this Sunday. KAREN: Can we get back to the point. SQUIDWARD: Tell me who's gonna win the hockey game this Friday. The Cubs or the Seabears? KAREN: Seabears SQUIDWARD: Whatever, I hate hockey anyways,... now, you said that you can serve me therapy right? KAREN: No, my boss can. SQUIDWARD: Is this a scam? KAREN: No SQUIDWARD: Not interested, I like scams, because, I can turn in those ingrates that make them into the police afterwards. KAREN: Can you just come into the Chum uh I mean, Therapy Bucket, Dr.Peter Lankton is waiting for you. SQUIDWARD: Whatever Squidward and Karen enter the “Therapy Bucket.” Karen leads Squidward into the Laboratory/Therapy Room. Squidward takes a seat on a hard metal chair. Plankton as Dr.Lankton enters. LANKTON: Sweet! A new test subject! Uh I mean, therapy student! SQUIDWARD: Can we hurry this up, I have to warm up fast expiring spaghetti so I can have a romantic dinner with my clarinet. By the way, this chair feels as cold and horrible as my four sizes too small heart. LANKTON: This session may take whatever time length! Dr. Lankton then takes a seat on his comfortable feather that his small stature is the perfect size for. LANKTON: So tell me, what seems to be the issue? SQUIDWARD: Doc, I myself believe that I have no issue,.. my loser boss and hopeless neighbor sent me here because, I am too mean, or too realistic, to the common filth that enter the old sweaty compound everyday to order very subpar burger sandwiches. Dr.Lankton writes all of this down in a memo. LANKTON: Continue SQUIDWARD: I am constantly subjected to barnacleheads such as annoying bratty kids, miss perfect women, disgusting old men and even mongrel snails either annoying the perfection that is me or eating with open mouths! I HATE OPEN MOUTH EATERS! LANKTON: So how do you see future fit at this job you have? SQUIDWARD: I see no future working at that dumpster, I was and always will be originally intended to be a world-famous musician/artist/novelist! LANKTON: Is there anything you like to add on? SQUIDWARD: Yes, you're short, I despise short people, do you live on the Yellow Brick Road? LANKTON(trying to hold back his anger): No, I don’t. SQUIDWARD: Well you should move there, I hear that the scarecrow and the cowardly lion now want to occupy the witch's castle making some opening on that otherwise midget road. It's only $3 bucks, since you're probably only 3 inches tall. Okay, see ya. Squidward leaves to go home but plans to stop by a convention center first to spit in all of the people's food. Plankton gets out of his Dr.Lankton disguise. PLANKTON: He may be an infuriating bigot that is just under Mr.Krabs in my list to vaporize for world domination but we will get back to that later. Now anyways, I got the perfect plan to steal The Krabby Patty Secret Formula! KAREN: Why did you host this dumb therapy session anyways? PLANKTON: Simple! I let the squid guy spill out all of his problems mentally so I can craft a plan and pack a punch harder onto his adversaries until they surrender the formula! KAREN: This plan is going to fail, very bigly. PLANKTON: Our marriage failed very bigly! Nothing else of mine will! Muahahaha! Plankton scampers off to get to Mr.Krabs’ house since Krabs always brings the formula home with him. KAREN: Squidward and Plankton,... they are both gonna get theirs someday,.. cowards. Plankton arrives at Mr.Krabs’ house, he is hosting a “GET WELL SOON MRS.PUFF!” Party with Spongebob, Gary and Pearl. PLANKTON: Hands in the air! They do as says until Krabs recognizes Plankton. MR.KRABS: Plankton?! You weren’t invited to my party! PLANKTON: That may be true, but I am invited to steal your formula! MR.KRABS: Not a chance! Spongebob! Do it! Spongebob gets into defensive mode and tickles Plankton with several more feathers. SPONGEBOB: Take this Plankton! PLANKTON: Hahaha stop! Uh I mean, you will be stopped! Plankton takes out a laser that he has created during his offscreen trip to the house which has all of Squidward's weaknesses as weapons. Plankton fires out some audio of annoying crying kids as well as chewed up processed food which disgusts Spongebob and makes him melt. Mr.Krabs gets ahold of Plankton. MR.KRABS: Not so fast! PLANKTON: Oh no! I’m so scared! Plankton then grabs out a sea urchin having had known that was already a weakness of Squidward before. He flicks the pest onto Mr.Krabs’ nose making him scream and run crashing into several kitchen supplies in his Kitchen. Plankton enters the bedroom and finds the formula hidden in Mr.Krabs’ case full of stolen jewelry. PLANKTON: That was too easy! Plankton is about to leave. Mr.Krabs, who is distracted with trying to fumigate his house, cries when seeing this unfold. Suddenly, the door opens and walking in is Squidward, who crushes Plankton with his foot accidentally. PLANKTON: Aagahahghhhh!! This causes the formula to jump out of Plankton's tiny hands and into Spongebob's, who has regenerated. Mr.Krabs finishes fumigating and greets Squidward. MR.KRABS: YOU DID IT SQUIDWARD! YOU SAVED ME FORMULER! SQUIDWARD: I did? Oh wait, I don’t care. Squidward walks more inside,.. Mr.Krabs smiles at a crushed Plankton, who looks scared. Plankton is chucked outside by Mr.Krabs at the same speed of a baseball being pitched. Plankton arrives into a junkyard where he lands on the guard worm, who is angrily woken up and begins mauling Plankton making him scream further. MR.KRABS: So, what brings you in this neck of the woods, Mr.Squidward? SQUIDWARD: I was going to go home, have dinner with my clarinet, watch the boring public town channel and then go to bed but then I remembered that I had something to tell you…. your fly was down at work today. Mr.Krabs looks at his pants to see his fly is still down and he immediately pulls it up as his face turns more red with a smile of embarrassment. PEARL: Hahaha! SPONGEBOB: Oh my. GARY: Meow MR.KRABS: Well uh anyways, are ye good, can ye stop being a judgmental salamander! SQUIDWARD: You need to know that I am always judgmental no matter what Krabby,..... and I am an octopus. SPONGEBOB: The customers still don’t like your attitude Squiddy, did you go to therapy? SQUIDWARD: I did, to some dude named Dr.Peter Lankton,... he was a fruitcake anyways, I feel no difference. And he was short. MR.KRABS: Well Mr.Squidward, I get that your brash attitude is who you are and what you love.. SQUIDWARD: I hate myself.. MR.KRABS: …. Well uh, I see that your judgmental behavior is and always will be you but can you tone it down just a teeny tiny bit,.. you can’t always smart mouth off to random mateys, because, you might either be beaten up or worse… SQUIDWARD: What? MR.KRABS: Be forced to listen to Rebecca Kelp and her annoying song, “It’s Thursday.” Spongebob, Mr.Krabs, Squidward, Pearl and Gary all have the thought for a moment and then shiver at it. SQUIDWARD: Oh vey, fine, fine, I will be a little fake. MR.KRABS: Whatever floats your boat. The scene cuts to the next day, next work shift,.. Squidward takes Monroe's order. SQUIDWARD: Here's your milkshake little lad. MONROE: Um, thanks. SUSIE(mockingly): Um, thanks! MONROE(while walking away and talking with her): I will put you up for sale! Norma walks up. NORMA: So, yesterday, you are this self-centered jerk who hates the entire universe but today, you are polite and humble? SQUIDWARD: Yeah, have a nice day. NORMA: Oh thank you.. She grabs out ten dollars. NORMA: Here's a generous ten dollar tip! He takes the money. She leaves. SQUIDWARD: Maybe, this won’t be so bad after all! He puts the money into the cash register but doesn’t hear the usual sound of the money hitting the slots. He looks in and disturbingly watches the money sitting on a happy Mr.Krabs’ tongue, who somehow managed to get into the register. MR.KRABS: Thank you! He pops out of there, storing the money safe in his mouth, so he can regurgitate it later into the safe. MR.KRABS: Arrgh! Arrgh! Arrgh! SQUIDWARD: Well, never mind. SPONGEBOB: Hahahaha! You’re funny Squidward! SQUIDWARD: Whatever The scene cuts to the junkyard, Plankton has recovered but is on crutches and for some reason went from being mauled to now playing cards with the guard worm. WORM: You got an ace? Category:SquidwardTentacles35